Well I’ve been here in Kansas City and the International House of Prayer for just a little over a week, but it feels like so much longer in all the good ways.
For those of you, who have asked how it’s going, and I can only manage to say “good” I hope these blog posts can better give you a glimpse into what’s going on in my heart while I’m out here. It’s not something that I could convey through a quick phone chat or text message. The Lord has been so good to meet me, when I’m just sitting in a room, choosing to believe that He is willing and excited to come hang out with me. Me. Dirty, double minded, insecure, unsure, weak, and distracted me while I’m sitting and accomplishing nothing that looks beneficial to anyone. Meeting the uncreated Lord Cod, Holy and Mighty, Creator of the universe, my Savior - and my biggest fan – in this context is breaking down a lot of the former mindsets that I’ve forgotten I’ve been carrying about who He is. It’s awesome.
There is this one song that has been played several times in the prayer room sets, that I really like and I think exemplifies this truth so well; "Dark but Lovely" by Sarah Edwards.
"I can't understand, this work of grace
How a perfect God would come and take my place
The stars they don't move You
The waves can't undo You
The mountains in their splendor
They cannot steal Your heart
This God who is holy, perfect in beauty
Awesome in glory is ravished by my heart
Chorus:
Though I'm poor, You say I am lovely
Though I'm dark, You say I'm beautiful
Bridge:
Somehow my weak glance has overwhelmed You
And somehow my weak love has stolen away Your heart"
I can already see the things that the Lord is already breaking down in me. Old mindsets and misconceptions of who He is, who I am, things I’ve only thought I’ve dealt with until now. I see Him doing it in my housemates, the members of my core group whom I’ll be doing life with for the next 6 months. Already people are getting their minds blown by the goodness of God. It makes me look forward to the long times spent in the prayer room. Even after doing it for several times, preparing to go into the prayer room for one of our 5 hours stints is rather daunting, but when He shows up and makes those little explosions in my heart and/or mind, it’s pretty great. It’s honestly a lot easier when I’m in it and engaged with what’s going on in the room and really hunting after His heart, then it sounds. (I’m told this is called the “honeymoon phase” of the prayer room. Does it have to end?) But I still like to be the guy who “gets stuff done” it’s uncomfortable to not have much of a list of things to accomplish, but just to open my heart to Him and receive what He’s already done and wanting to do more of. It’s because I built of this idea that I’m worthy when I’ve accomplished the most. He’s working on that too.
On a lighter note, the dryers on both sides of the duplex I’m living in are broken. So I got the opportunity to use a drying line in the back yard to dry my laundry yesterday. It was a bit uncomfortable at first, the consideration of having all my clothes just hanging out outside… but I decided “Hey, if someone is in such a rough spot that they need to steel my drawers off the line, they need them a lot more then I do.” As far as I can tell I got back everything that I put out.
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