Corey made a comment about how the Lord didn't reveal everything all at once, that if He had told us what would be happening 5, 10, 15 years down the road, we'd either try to do it ourselves, or get scared and quit. I know that's true! Every time we try to "help God out" it just turns into a big mess. (I just read in Genesis when Sarah hands off her maid, Hagar, to Abraham to try and fulfill Gods promise for an heir because they were both anxious for waiting. This happens also with Isaac and his wives. Yikes.)
Sitting in my chair I was thinking about how some people seem to have a very clear direction and vision for their lives. I'm not one of those people. I think I have several of the pieces, But I have no idea how they fit together. And I KNOW that it wont come to pass unless the Lord steps in and does the work. I'm very excited about them, sharing them rarely, but pondering and praying on them often. These are sometimes passions of my heart, things that gets me really excited, or themes that seem to keep cropping up, and comments that complete strangers make to me too often to just be a random coincidence. I don't even really know what being enrolled in IHOPU is really unto, I just know that this is where I need to be right now. I don't know what kind of job/ministry I'll be doing afterwards, but I have some goals for it. Remembering that I know I'm supposed to be here, even if I don't know where I'm going, makes it so much easier to do it again and again, even when I'm tired, I wont quit. Anyway, I was thinking about these puzzle pieces and thought about those dreaded first days of class, when the teacher goes over the syllabus. I can't really explain it, but the phrase "The student will learn to..." sends shivers down my back. I feel overwhelmed by the expectations when it's not in small bite sized chunks. Sometimes I really only want to know what's due next and when. Shooting the wolf that's closest seems to be how I manage to whittle down my semesters. This syllabu-phobia (new word) is no different in Bible school.
Then it clicked! This is exactly how the Lord leads me. He didn't tell me that I would go to school when He talked me into doing the internship a year ago. I was so sure that I was going home after the six months. But He told me what I needed to do right then, and talked to me about IHOPU later on. I thank Him for "tricking" me into it. If He had told me years ago, the things I would have walked out the last several years, I would have quit. No doubt in my mind. But in His kindness, and because His leadership over my heart is perfect, He leads me just as I need to be led. I am re-awed by the Creator of the universe who stoops down, studies me heart, and leads me into loving Him more.
Proverbs 29:18
Where there is no prophetic vision the people cast off restraint, but blessed is he who keeps the law.
Where there is no prophetic vision the people cast off restraint, but blessed is he who keeps the law.
