i "get it" a little bit more.

The subject of fasting has kinda been a big deal ever since we got here to IHOP. The people here really promote fasting as a part of normal Christianity, not "radical" or "legalistic." It's not the first time I've heard these teachings, and I do think that I had some measure of correct understand of what fasting is, but there was so much didn't really get about it.

I had enough understanding to know that fasting was good and we should do it, but I guess I never really understood why. This all came to a head when talking to my core leader Robert about the tension I'm feeling between "striving" and "pursuing". He was able to point out that the mindset with with I was viewing God is not how He presents Himself in the Bible. The crazy part is that I wasn't even really aware that I had this stinkin' thinkin' about God, that if I break a fast early that equals failing and He'd be upset and withhold Himself from me. That doesn't sound like a good God does it?

While sitting in the prayer room one night a thought occurred to me: If it [the point] is not about complete accomplishments of the spiritual disciplines that the Lord is looking at, but the 'reach of our heart', the the type and duration of fast is unimportant. I've heard the phrase 'reach of our heart' before, often in reference to various spiritual disciplines to talk about the purpose behind the actions we are doing. So is fasting really a tool God gave us to cultivate the longing in our heart for more of an understanding of His love and affections and His supporting care of us when we kick away our crutches and are required to lean onto what was always there? Could that really be the whole point? 'Cause that wuld be awesome!

I wouldn't even call this a "revelation" so much as a clicking-into-place-finally. This is still the Lord's work too, so maybe there isn't really a difference. I dunno. Through verbally processing it with Robert to check that my thinking was on track, I was able to check my thinking with another person who's had more instruction and experience then myself.

Fasting really moves my heart, and shows me the reality of how weak I am and how to sensitize to feel the love and affection He always has for me. Robert says it doesn't even stop there, because once there, God gets more glory. By acknowledging His love, it causes me to love Him more and praise Him more. So fasting is a tool for me, but it's also a tool for Him to gain more glory. Wow. He's so smart!

So the types and duration of our fasts isn't specifically what He's after, He really is after our hearts. A person could be reaching more on a Daniel fast then someone else drinking only water for weeks on end. He's after our heart reaching out in longing to Him, and that doesn't necessarily have to equate to pain. I think He probably hates that part. The trick for us is to make sure we aren't reaching less for Him then we were before, we need to be always increasing in our desire for Him. Fasting acts like "miracle grow" on the seeds of the Spirit, and cause the growth in our heart to be faster. After thinking on all of this, I'm actually encouraged and feel so much more free to fast now. Now that it's not this standard I have to meet, or gauntlet that I have to pass, I feel more free to do it. I can quit or not fast as much as I want to, based on my heart. Because I want my heart to be reaching for the Lord, I'm not going to want to quit.

the prayers of the saints

I wanted to share an image I had in my mind when I was sitting in the prayer room one evening.  It comes from the scriptures in Revelation describing the throne room in Heaven. 

Revelation 5

The Scroll and the Lamb

 ¹ Then I saw in the right hand of him who sat on the throne a scroll with writing on both sides and sealed with seven seals. ² And I saw a mighty angel proclaiming in a loud voice, “Who is worthy to break the seals and open the scroll?” ³ But no one in heaven or on earth or under the earth could open the scroll or even look inside it. ⁴ I wept and wept because no one was found who was worthy to open the scroll or look inside. ⁵ Then one of the elders said to me, “Do not weep! See, the Lion of the tribe of Judah, the Root of David, has triumphed. He is able to open the scroll and its seven seals.”  ⁶ Then I saw a Lamb, looking as if it had been slain, standing at the center of the throne, encircled by the four living creatures and the elders. The Lamb had seven horns and seven eyes, which are the seven spirits of God sent out into all the earth. ⁷ He went and took the scroll from the right hand of him who sat on the throne. ⁸ And when he had taken it, the four living creatures and the twenty-four elders fell down before the Lamb. Each one had a harp and they were holding golden bowls full of incense, which are the prayers of God’s people. ⁹ And they sang a new song, saying:
   “You are worthy to take the scroll
   and to open its seals,
because you were slain,
   and with your blood you purchased for God
   persons from every tribe and language and people and nation.
¹⁰ You have made them to be a kingdom and priests to serve our God,
   and they will reign on the earth.”

 I was only able to do this painting with the water color set I bought to get down idea while I'm here, so while I feel it was a good enough rendition to remember my intent, I am really looking forward to doing this one again with oil paints on a wood panel.  It'll be awesome!

time is short.

This month has flown by! I can hardly believe it's already almost October! GAH! I'm not ready!

I mentioned this to my brother last night when we were talking on the phone ( I think only the Benbow brothers would pick midnight as the the most convenient time to talk on the phone.) that I really like being in the prayer room. Coming to the internship I expected this to be the hardest part. Last night I surpassed 300 hours in the prayer room since coming to IHOP. There isn't really a expected goal they have in place for us, but my but personal goal has been 500 hours before the internship is over. Maybe I need to aim higher, I think I can make it to 600! The number isn't important per-say, but I like goals and achieving them. So there you go. Even in the short time we've been here, I've noticed how the studying and prayer has been getting easier. Somewhere along the line 5 hours became not enough to "get done" all the things I want to do in the prayer room. Since when has 5 hours not been enough time to do anything? Let alone the read the Bible.

I use to be one of the vast majority in Christianity who struggled to get through half an hour, and 5 hours at the beginning of the internship was extremely daunting. There was several years where nothing would knock me out like opening a Bible. I would almost instantly fall asleep every time I tried to read. I kid you not, even if I was just in the room where someone was reading a Bible, I would be more exhausted then I could understand. Sermons at church were nearly unbearable, and not because I didn't want to pay attention, but because I couldn't keep my eyes open! I would frequently stand in the sound booth where I was serving, just to try and keep some measure of attentiveness to the speaker. (How did I conceive of this as "normal"?) A couple of us made it our goal feel surprised when midnight came around and it was time for us to head home. That was very early in the intership, and now, I'm almost disappointed when when it's time to leave! (Sometimes I'm just really hungry and head home to get a snack.) That's clearly miraculous, not something I could do on my own! Yay God!

No, it's the Lion of Target.

So I have this one shirt from Target, with a line drawing of a head of a lion, and water color splotches adding some variety. It a great design, and I really like it. (hence the purchase.) But Every time I wear it in a Christian context, I frequently get the same question; "Is that the lion of the tribe of Judah?" to which I usually reply with "No, it's the Lion of Target." Or if they know that I draw and paint, I get the question "Did you draw that?"

Someone here on base asked me if i knew anyone who could draw it, because he's been looking for a lion to get tattooed over an older one he wants to cover now. Well I was able to explain to him that I actually draw and could get it done for him. Before I did the one i actually handed to him i did a "practice" in my sketch book, and then decided to play around with it in color. It came out pretty well I think, so I thought I'd share it up here. I hope you like it!